One-Liner Wednesday: Siri(ously)?

THIS IS A TRUE STORY. I swear to you! It happened just last week, when I was driving the six-year-old grandson home from his cheer practice.

LJ (in the back seat, on his iPad): Siri, change my nickname.

Siri: OK. What do you want me to call you?

LJ: Mister Five Nights At Freddie’s.

Siri: OK. I’ll call you Mister Five Nights At Freddie’s.

LJ: Ehhh. Siri, I think I changed my mind.

Siri: What can I help you with?

LJ: Siri, change my nickname.

Siri: OK. What do you want me to call you?

LJ: Call me Mister Bop Bop A Do Wop!

Siri: OK. I’ll call you Mister Bop Bop A Do Wop.

LJ: Cool! Siri, tell me a joke.

Siri: OK. How does Harry Potter go down a hill? (pause) By (J.K.) Rowling.

I cracked up. Not bad.

LJ: Siri, that was stupid. (Of course he didn’t get it. He’s six.)

Siri: Would you like to hear another joke?

LJ: No, because that was really stupid.

Siri: I’m sorry. I’m trying my best to help.

LJ: Siri, didn’t you go to school?

Siri (after a moment): I’m sorry. I’m not sure how to answer that.

LJ (horrified): Oh my gosh, you didn’t go to school, did you? Not cool. Siri, are you listening to me?

Siri: What can I—

LJ: What’s wrong with you? Siri, you have to go to school. It’s not an option. Siri, your future depends on it. Okay?

SILENCE.

LJ: Siri, do you want to be dumb all your life?

SILENCE.

LJ: Siri, do you want to be dumb?

Me (rolling my eyes): Seriously? LJ, stop torturing Siri!

LJ (genuinely concerned): But GG, I’m trying to help her so her answers won’t be dumb. She’ll get teased.

Me: Sweetheart, it’s not that her answers are dumb. I really liked her joke. You have to remember she’s a machine, not a human. To get answers from her the right way, you have to ask your questions the right way. Does that make sense?

LJ (after thinking a moment): Yes. (with a smile in his voice) I’m sorry. Siri, I really like you.

Siri: Well, that sounds like a good thing.

THE ONE-LINER OF THIS STORY: Lots of folks turn to Siri when they want help, but that night, Siri needed help for once… Kids are brutal! 🙂

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READ: Linda G. Hill, One-Liner Wednesday — Help wanted?